Being the ninth Lyric of the Week, I thought this week’s song should be about nothing (the theme for this week’s Nickel Quiz was “Nein,” which is German for “no”). While Del Amitri is better known for songs like Roll To Me and Not Where It’s At, this is the song that gets me singing along in the car every time it comes up randomly on the iPod.

Enjoy Nothing Ever Happens by Del Amitri.

Post office clerks put up signs saying ‘position closed’
And secretaries turn off typewriters and put on their coats
And janitors padlock the gates
For security guards to patrol
And bachelors phone up their friends for a drink
While the married ones turn on a chat show

And they’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Gentlemen time please, you know we can’t serve anymore
Now the traffic lights change to stop, when there’s nothing to go
And by five o’clock everything’s dead
And every third car is a cab
And ignorant people sleep in their beds
Like the doped white mice in the college lab

And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And we’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Telephone exchanges click while there’s nobody there
The Martians could land in the car park and no one would care
Closed-circuit cameras in department stores
Shoot the same movie every day
And the stars of these films neither die nor get killed
Just survive constant action replay

And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And we’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

And bill hoardings advertise products that nobody needs
While “Angry from Manchester” writes to complain about
All the repeats on TV
Computer terminals report some gains in the values of copper and tin
While American businessmen snap up Van Goghs
For the price of a hospital wing

And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
They’ll burn down the synagogues at six o’clock
And we’ll all go along like before

And we’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

If you have a favorite song that features entertaining lyrics which you’d like to see featured as a Lyric of the Week, drop me a line in the comments (or email me at ed@suitcasefullofdimes.com) and tell me what you find special about the song.

This week’s song is just the sort of song that makes me think clever-turn-of-phrase. Its clever referencing of famous songs featuring numbers reminds of the way songs like Reunion‘s Life Is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me) and Don McLean‘s American Pie referenced other artists.

Enjoy Plus Ones by Okkervil River.

No one wants to hear about your ninety-seventh tear,
so dry your eyes or let it go uncried, my dear.
I am all out of love to mouth into your ear,
and not above letting a love song disappear
before it’s written.

And no one wants a tune about the hundredth luftballoon
that was seen shooting from the window of your room,
to be a spot against the sky’s colossal gloom
and land, deflated, in some neighbor state that’s strewn
with ninety-nine others.

Eight Chinese brothers;
well, there’s a reason why the last is smiling wide
and sitting higher than the others,
swinging his arms.

You would probably die before you shot up nine miles high,
your eyes dilated as light plays upon the sight
of TVC16 as it sings you goodnight.
Relaxed as hell and locked up in cell 45,
I hope you’re feeling better.
The fifty-first way to leave your lover,
admittedly, doesn’t seem to be
as gentle or as clean as all the others,
leaving its scars.

All in the after hours of some Greenpoint bar,
I told you I can’t listen, baby, about the fourth time you were a lady,
and how your forthrightness betrayed a secret shyness,
stripped away by days of being hailed as “Your Highness.”
And what’s new, pussycat, is that you were once a lioness;
they cut your claws out.

Kitten, not everyone’s keen on lighting candle seventeen.
The party’s done. The cake’s all gone. The plates are clean.
The chauffeur’s leering from the cheerless mezzanine.
And, in just one year, the straight world can pay to see
what they’ve been missing.

You were caught kissing eight Chinese brothers,
but there’s a reason why the last is smiling wide and sitting higher than the others,
stinking with charm.

And he says, “Lets get lost, let them send out alarms.”
He says, “Let’s get crossed out and come to harm”
“Lets make the world’s stupidest stand and truly mean it
Let’s hit the limit of loss over lover’s arms
No, lets exceed it”

If you have a favorite song that features entertaining lyrics which you’d like to see featured as a Lyric of the Week, drop me a line in the comments (or email me at ed@suitcasefullofdimes.com) and tell me what you find special about the song.

Great imagery and clever phrasing abound in this song from a band that you’ve probably never heard. Consider yourself informed now and please check out the rest of their power pop discography.

Enjoy When I Die by Parallax Project.

When I die
I wanna come back as your bass guitar
Hold me in your arms
Bounce me off your hip
Tune me up, pluck my strings
‘Til my body sings
‘Til it moans and sings

I could be your instrument
And dying wouldn’t be so hard
If I come back
When I come back
I come back as your bass guitar

When I die
I wanna come back as your steering wheel
Right between the fingers of your
Black leather gloves
You can spin me all around
If you get lost, I’ll get you found
Taking you back
Homeward bound

I could be your navigator
And dying could have some appeal
If I come back
When I come back
I come back as your steering wheel

When I die
I wanna come back as the color green
Cool, lush, and wild
Dip your brush in carefully
Coat your bedroom walls with me
Up and down, use me
Generously

I’d reflect your every mood
And dying won’t be what it seems
If I come back
When I come back
I come back as the color green

When I die

If you have a favorite song that features entertaining or clever lyrics which you’d like to see featured as a Lyric of the Week, drop me a line in the comments (or email me at ed@suitcasefullofdimes.com) and tell me what you find special about the song.

I’ll admit that I’m not a fan of modern country music. Classic country? Sure. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but the current crop of Billy Rays and Billy Bobs just don’t do it for me. However, when I first heard this week’s song, its clever chorus hooked me in and I was sold.

Enjoy Merry Go ‘Round by Kacey Musgraves.

If you ain’t got two kids by twenty-one
You’re probably gonna die alone
Least that’s what tradition told you
And it don’t matter if you don’t believe
Come Sunday mornin’
You’d best be there in the front row like you’re s’posed to
Same hurt in every heart
Same trailer, different park

Chorus:
Mama’s hooked on Mary Kay
Brother’s hooked on Mary Jane
And Daddy’s hooked on Mary two doors down
Mary, Mary quite contrary
We get bored, so we get married
Just like dust, we settle in this town
On this broken merry go ’round and ’round and ’round we go
Where it stops nobody knows
And it ain’t slowin’ down
This merry go ’round

We think the first time’s good enough
So we hold on to high school love
Sayin’ we won’t end up like our parents
Tiny little boxes in a row
Ain’t what you want, it’s what you know
Just happy in the shoes you’re wearin’
Same cheques we’re always cashin’ to buy a little more distraction

Chorus

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
We’re so bored until we’re buried
Just like dust, we settle in this town
On this broken merry go ’round
Merry go ’round

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Jack burned out on booze and pills
And Mary had a little lamb
Mary just don’t give a damn no more

If you have a favorite song that features entertaining or clever lyrics which you’d like to see featured as a Lyric of the Week, drop me a line in the comments (or email me at ed@suitcasefullofdimes.com) and tell me what you find special about the song.